There are many, many things that are difficult in life, but one thing that is most difficult for me is the “unknown time boom” especially when it happens on the first day of your long planned holiday. I remember one time, it was just the three of us by the sea sand and sun. While everyone was on the lookout for the best snookering spot I went hunting desperately for a doctor on a remote island in the east coast to relieve an acute pain that was radiating around my left inner ear and spreading to my face.
And after 3 days, a painful ear turned into a clogged ear and it’s beyond annoying because I was basically being underwater all the time. The most annoying thing was having to listen to my own amplified voice, breaths and the muffled sounds of other people talking so I often didn’t hear what other people were saying to me. For weeks, I only heard the sound of a vacuum cleaner 24/7 with an occasional thumping sound.
This drove me crazy for weeks so I jumped on the internet all the time and tried almost all possible remedies, from oral antibiotics, 4 times a day nasal wash, nasal spray, blowing closed nostrils, trigger yawning, jumping, inverting, oiling inhale, prayers etc, but it just was not helping and I did not feel like I was going to solve it. In my mind I thought: “the day my ear clears, I will be the happiest person alive”.
Life still needs me to stay sane. Well, I don’t like doctor shopping and I just decided to allow my body to heal itself and nurture it with good, healthy food and exercise but after a month of blocked ears, I began to think there could be more to it, especially after my sister suggested it may be due to some imbalances in my life.
I jumped on Mr Google again and searched for ‘emotion for blocked ear” and I found “there is a resistance to listening to what is going on around you”. I was quick to jump on it and called a friend whom I shared embarrassing and heart breaking stories with not too long ago, a friend who had been keeping a distance. I thought we might communicate our hard feelings and conflict properly. The friend refused with “Please give me a break”. Blocked ears may seem annoying but little by little I realized, to some people, I am annoying.
So, where does that leave my ear? I am not sure; it was still blocked after a month. Perhaps I just have to let go of trying to fix everything and just allow it to be. Perhaps if my ear wants to be blocked, I should just let it and live in harmony with it.
Reflecting on my blocked ear journey, from fighting in extreme desperation for a cure to giving up and freezing up towards finally letting go of every strategy or tools I always had, reminded me of many of my CAT students. After years of seeing many of my students living with body pain for decades before they came to know CAT, I started to be humbled by their strength to live life as normal as can be as a role of someone’s parent, sibling, colleague, friend, love ones. I completely understand now when some back pain victims responded on the thick roll exercise by saying “I have had worse; this pain is nothing to me”.
Is a blocked ear such a big deal then? No, I guess not. At some point, I think I could live with it and embrace the inconvenience while remembering many others with far greater inconveniences are finding reasons to smile, I decided to remember the wise old saying of “Life is perfect when you see the beauty in imperfection.”
I was more at ease thereafter and actually, listening to my own breath and voice may be seem quite refreshing too. I was more in peace with the possibility of never be able to experience joy without blocked ear anymore, just like some people have to live with pain 24/7, it will be blocked, with no light at the end of the tunnel.
Just then, a week ago, a blessed friend of mine offered a 10-minute ear massage which was so painful but “I have had worse” and finally bingo, it got sorted out. Right after the massage, even though I still felt my ear was blocked the resonance was much improved so I knew things were changing. Now, I am already “the happiest person alive”.
To date, in my life there have been disappointments, relationship crises, bad things, good things turned bad, but I can sit around and moan and whinge about it, or I can really help myself and others by remembering the joy of not having ear block again.
So, when things unexpectedly happened, I still go for my evening jog and listen to my singing child, catch a cup of coffee. A guard by the mall smiled at me sweetly, I smile back. Suddenly, remembering this chapter of life, I feel happy.
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